PUT THE BUNNY BACK IN THE BOX

Indulge me. My passion for film isn’t quite enough to eclipse music but it’s up there. And here’s the thing – I have been told I have terrible taste. This is music to my ears and I cultivate the breadth of awfulness I will sink to. I'm like a mad-eyed toddler revealing plotlines. So here’s Joanie’s top one-liners and moments in film that I think define each film and hopefully it might jolt you into going and watching for the first time or even for the second or third!

NOW VOYAGER (1942) – My alter ego Bette Davis on the balcony with Paul Henreid - “oh Jerry, don’t let’s ask for the moon, we have the stars” and who can forget ALL ABOUT EVE – that Bette Davis delivery of “Fasten your seatbelts, it’s going to be bumpy night.” As Eve exists with her Oscar she says dryly “Nice speech, Eve. But I wouldn't worry too much about your heart. You can always put that award where your heart ought to be.” It makes makes me want to BE her. It’s a defining moment that showcases the ultimate put-down captured on celluloid.

ALL THE PRESIDENTS MEN. Robert Redford and Dustin Hoffman as the two Washington Post journalists who broke the Watergate story. Stand back for the next sentence. I met Robert Redford three years after he filmed this and he is five times as sexy in the flesh – no question! He asked me about golfing in Scotland and I actually dribbled out of the corner of my mouth as I tried to form an answer. I watched this film recently and I relished the notebooks, the lack of technology and the fact that they had to talk to people on the TELEPHONE to break a story – RADICAL!

There’s a theme about to emerge. Strap on your crampons and check your caribiners because I’m a little bit nuts about climbing, so we have David Breashears’s EVEREST. I saw this at the IMAX and was so ill with vertigo I had to close my eyes. ‘Cliffhanger’ – Sly Stallone and the opening climbing sequence that sets up the film. The girl slips out of her climbing glove as Sly tries to save her life as hangs between two mountain pillars. She shouts “Gabe, Gabe, I don’t wanna die.” – a buttock clenching moment for one who is learning to climb. I went to see this movie with a date who was flying out to the Alps the next day for a holiday and he never called me again.

"…put the bunny back in the box” said a heavily mulletted Nic Cage to a nasty villain who manhandles the pink bunny belonging to his beloved daughter in CON AIR. I bloody love it! Nobody does a villain like John Malkovich. And this leads neatly into my next seminal movie moment “it’s beyond my control.” Again machivaliian Malkovitch as Vicompte De Valmont delivering the withering line to a simpering and delicate Madame de Tourvel (Michelle Pfieffer). The line is delivered. at first, with bombast and determination which quickly deteriorates into a breathy whisper as he sees her crumple and wither with pain and disbelief that one could be so cruel. There’s more than a few moments of splendid delivery in the 1988 version of DANGEROUS LIAISONS, notwithstanding the immortal line from the Marquise de Merteuil (Glenn Close) ‘When one woman strikes at the heart of another she seldom misses, and the wound is invariably fatal.” Oh so true!

“Mr Grimsdale” –screeched Norman Wisdom throughout all of his films but my favourite moment is from THE EARLY BIRD and is devoid of dialogue. It’s pure slapstick and the best pratfall comedy that I have ever seen to this day.

FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF – the droll teacher roll calling “Bueller, Bueller, Bueller…anyone…anyone…anyone…” just makes me laugh every time!

BRAVEHEART – disgraced Mel as William Wallace - my favourite moment is when the northerners run like Amazonian warriors from the Highlands to the central lowlands and declare “We dun wan' yew Amadans thinkin ye kin have yer fun without us”

ROCKSTAR – When Marky Mark Wahlberg , a lowly photocopy repairman by day (rockstar by night) gives the suited and booted dude a lesson in rock and how to work the photocopier. Office guy spots traces of make-up from the night before. ‘Dude, is that mascara?” To which he replies like the guy is stupid “I’m in a rock band! Can you pay attention?”

SEE NO EVIL, HEAR NO EVIL – The brilliant Richard Pryor and Gene Wilder at their best. One can’t see and the other can’t hear. The jail scene in the cell when they come back exhausted from a day breaking new ground and pretend to be fine is just hilarious. Richard Pryor on the floor reaching out for his “ppppppillow…ppppillow…..”

THE WOMAN IN RED – another Gene Wilder gem with the wonderful Gilda Radner. The scene where he runs away from her and hides in car still has me falling about. Radner calmly follows him and finds him cowering in the footwell of his car. She leans in the window, releases the handbrake, and just watches the car roll down the San Francisco hill, and all without any hint of emotion. It’s a classic movie moment.

TRULY MADLY DEEPLY - the poignant moment at the very end where she moves on with the real live boyfriend and her spirit love stands at the window and cries surrounded by his ghosty friends. This still moves me to tears.

SLAVES OF NEW YORK – This film made me want to live in New York for years to come. Eleanor’s intensely stupid, cheating, unworthy boyfriend Stash complaining about fleas “it’s invested….the apartment is invested” as Eleanor plays self-help tapes to shore up her collapsing self-esteem that is consistently demolished by this moron who doesn’t know “invested” from “infested”

MOON – Sam Rockwell’s great performance as a employee with a 3 year term on the lonely moon. His alarm when it goes off every morning makes me laugh – Chesney Hawkes – I am the one and only.

DEAR FRANKIE – set in Greenock – a moving film about a wee boy whose mum pretends his dad is at sea and writes to him every week. Gerard Butler is the dad, paid by Lizzie (Emily Mortimer) to be a pretend father, as she evades the hurtful truth being discovered. There’s some fine views in this movie of my hometown.

TOY STORY – the memorable moment as Buzz flies through the air with Woody. “This isn’t flying, this is falling…..with style.” Probably one of best phrases from any animation movie.

MARATHON MAN – Dustin Hoffman as the student who likes to run and Laurence Olivier as The Dentist who likes to torture. Hoffman’s brother is a spy who lands him in a spot of trouble with a Nazi hiding in New York. I read the book and the dental scene is way worse in print than it is onscreen. I still have to shield my eyes at this bit.

SPACE ODYSSEY 2001 – when HAL is being powered down and feels fear "My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I'm... afraid."

BRUCE ALMIGHTY – Jim Carrey and Jennifer Aniston have no chemistry but the movie still manages to raise some laughs like God’s clap-on, clap-off lights. Of course God would have this! Stands to reason – right?

This is just part 1 so don’t think this is all!